proceed then vanish

7:45PM - this makes me laugh

jaizjelle: i gotta prance off and do something chore-like. ttyl perv
machinerage66: later
machinerage66: and its pervert*
machinerage66: !!
jaizjelle: pervy wurvy poo?
machinerage66: ....
jaizjelle: ok ok, pervERT
machinerage66: yay

-1 echo - fade-

10:36PM - only the smiling face of a leprechan could make this better tonight.

um, today was fun.

-2 echo s - fade-

2:25PM - all will turn to grey

people are breaking. and it makes me sad. "the funny thing about chains is, sometimes, when you mend them, the place where they broke is the strongest of all." and everything will fall apart. and things will come together. so who am i to speak out in resistance. all i can say is that it is hard to watch the pieces fall. whether or not you can do anything about it. whether or not you tried to fight it. its just that feeling of helplessness, or guilt, or denial, or whatever other creative concept the brain conjures up.
and maybe an open journal isnt the place to record ones deepest thoughts or ones utterly true feelings. but as a person that has a very hard time sharing personal emotions, i have to say that i am impressed by what some people can say. i know some find it annoying. but amongst other things, i call it brave.

ok, so those are my thoughts. i feel uncomfortable now so to take your mind off that (like i always try to do) umm
LOOK AT THIS:

mongorianho: Mcdanke
jaizjelle : mcyes mcha mcha
mongorianho: Mcindeed mclil' mccamper
jaizjelle : mctatertot
jaizjelle : mc:P
mongorianho: mcoh
mongorianho: mctaters mcare mctastey mcgood mceats
mongorianho: mcmmmmmmmmm
jaizjelle : mcahha mchahaha. mcyeah mcboy mcfoo mcdonkey
mongorianho: mcwhat mcthe mcfuck!
jaizjelle : mci mcdont mceven mcknow mcmy mcself
mongorianho: Mcwe mcshould mcwrite mclike mcthis mcall mcthe mctime! Mccuz mcit mclooks mcand mcsounds mcfucking mccrazy!
mongorianho: mcoi
jaizjelle : mchell mcyeah mcit mcis mcfucking mchilarious
mongorianho: mcsweet!
mongorianho: mcfucking mcsweet

-2 echo s - fade-

12:16PM - so...

my life has been a haze, and im loving it.
this weekend... friday, frolicked over to the neil's for "the first time". that was good stuff to say the least. then went to fuzzy's for night spending. we went and saw without a paddle, we being her, her mum, and me. ahha.
saturday, woke up, ate pancakes and stuff, drove home. lay in bed. visited with the people that invaded mein house. tried to find a single place that i could be to no avail, as every room available to me had been comandeered. so i called manda and me mum said i could hang out til 11 (it was 8 at the time). so we got the terry and drove around. then we decided to follow this car filled with rich kids. we followed them all the way to their destination. then, laughing hysterically, we waved and drove away. we also visited the winery. this time with a flashlight :D
sunday, woke up...-blank-...hung out with neil and LZ (little zak... i mean zach hehe) we went to the mall, then drove around in search of foods. dropped in on an evan. then attacked a moofins. good times good times.
lunch now.

-2 echo s - fade-

3:40PM - keep spinning around.

it is so crazy how fast things change. somethings take, litterally an instant, others hours or days. and the changes can be so extreme.
disarmed. anesthetized.

this stuff seems to come in waves, or go around in a circle. either way, everybody gets hit with it sometime.




"I come down like a hurricane sucked up inside
I spit out the suffer, yeah
You say you want a revelation,
Revel in this my lover
You’re free at liberty is this what you want?
Sometimes I wonder…

There’s a highway to, to the edge, yeah
Once a night you will drive yourself there
At the end of the road you will find the answer
At the end of the road you will drink the fear

I come down like a bloody rain cuts up flesh sky,
Pulse beating under, yeah
Meat petals bloom in a bone garden
Ain’t no god, no ghost gonna save you now

I sell souls at the side of the road
Would you like to take a number"




so other than having some pretty agressive cramps today, the week has been pretty nifty. i've been having fun with friends. and class hasnt been too bad either.

-fade-

9:58PM - ahhh. *relieved*

ah, who'da thought that talking to people actually does help?
hehe, yeah. had a few good talks
(special thanks to a certain NiNi*! i love you)
and i feel so much better.

so nice.

-1 echo - fade-

1:43AM - missing the insanity of those last days

went to hawaii, that was pretty cool.
but i have found that hawaii is definately not one of my favorite places...then again, it could have been the company.

uhh, saw a bunch of people. that was nifty.

my head kind of hurts, i cant keep a thought for very long. dont remember what i was going to write about. dont even remember what mood i was in.
blehg, stupid "time of the month" lol. i blame that fully.
for some reason, i dont want the day to come. no idea why. it is not like i am enjoying tonight much, or, at all.
the bargaining of a sentimental brainwash. tonight both like and unlike everyother night. only this time, the clarity of my statements are obsolete.

moving on. staring at the keyboard in darkness, the only think keeping from being complete: the light from the screen. so what do you do when yesterday seems worlds away? talk about today of course! went with manda and captured a terry. drove around. ended up getting "supplies" at safeway. ventured to the redwood forest. had a picnic in a circle of trees. fun stuff. went home. manda stayed for dinner. watched Hidalgo (however tis spelled). manda left. watched part of 13 going on 30. then watched Taking Lives.

street light. outside. i see it through the window. and i do not like it.

hopefully i will be more whoever i moreso am, tomorrow, cause this is a little weird even for me. i have no idea what i am writting, why im witting it.
yet i continue.

i feel like i have to do something tonight, but i dont have any idea what that may be.

i am missing the insanity of those last days.

-2 echo s - fade-

4:15PM - a poem?

glitter and shimmer as it disolves into thin air
just a dream that we had dared
faded into a withering loss
slain like those who died for a cause
and the light dims over all the sullen faces.
submition and despair are the only traces.

anychicken, i got silly glasses. yay. ive been driving around from 10am until 3ish, 3:30pm maybe *yawn* thank god for music.

-fade-

3:39AM - how do they know!?

-2 echo s - fade-

5:16PM - silly gregory

warkickboy12: kangaroos
jaizjelle: in the south
warkickboy12: swimming in the atlantic
jaizjelle: wearing speedos and bandanas
5:00PM
warkickboy12: eating a bannana
jaizjelle: doing a jig with brian fantana
warkickboy12: while humping your sister's uncle's daughter's gay cat
jaizjelle: oh
jaizjelle: dude
jaizjelle: that has gone too far
warkickboy12: HAHA
jaizjelle: no one talks bout my uncle's dauter's gay cat.!!
warkickboy12: biyatch!
jaizjelle: fucker donkey
5:05PM
jaizjelle: with bad...
jaizjelle: nose hair!
warkickboy12: NEVEEER
jaizjelle: alwaaaaaaays!
warkickboy12: :O
jaizjelle: muhahaha

-fade-

8:29PM

went to san francisco yesterday to do stuff with the fam and people mike works with or something. that was alright
then we stayed the night in the city and went to... san jose area, i think. yeah. we went to the great mall.
it was large.
i bought stuff.

im suposed to clean my room.

-fade-

7:34PM - hedgehogs and the plague

jaizjelle: do be frightened by the mad hegehogs
warkickboy12: but they don't bite
jaizjelle: they dont have to...
warkickboy12: but they don't
warkickboy12: the tree bites tho
warkickboy12: so stay away from the garden
jaizjelle: yes
jaizjelle: but them hedgehogs...
jaizjelle: they gots diseases and shiz
warkickboy12: indeed
warkickboy12: herpes
jaizjelle: amongst others
warkickboy12: yeh
warkickboy12: crazynesss


jazzyduck01: ...and she was so hard to kill!
jazzyduck01: crazy
jaizjelle: i know! the devil!
jazzyduck01: yes!!!
jaizjelle: oh dear... and i know wehre that devil-woman-thing lives too
7:25PM
jazzyduck01: me too
jazzyduck01: i've been to her house
jaizjelle: *twitch*
jaizjelle: did u pour holy water on urself?
jazzyduck01: don't got any
jazzyduck01: it was back in 8th grade
jazzyduck01: so if i'm tainted i'm used to it by now
jaizjelle: oh my... hope u arent a carrier
jazzyduck01: rb
jaizjelle: *looks at arms in horror*
jaizjelle: am i breaking out!?
jazzyduck01: should i be quarantined?
jazzyduck01: nope
jaizjelle: DO I HAVE THE PLAGUE!?
jazzyduck01: well...i didn't want to say anything but...
jaizjelle: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
jaizjelle: the gypsy woman was right
jaizjelle: i AM going to die..
jaizjelle: *fright*

-2 echo s - fade-

8:23PM - dead on my feet

blah on family trips
its gotta get better.

i need a drink...
*******************************************

ah, that's better

-fade-

5:54PM - i didnt do it

Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
Category	Your Score	Average
Self-Lovin'	48.3% When I think about you - or anyone - I touch myself	65.1%
Shamelessness	52.4% It takes a couple of drinks	79.4%
Sex Drive	63.2% A fool for love, but not always	77.7%
Straightness	25% Done the nasty, but not creatively	44.9%
Gayness	23.2% Makes Dr. Frank-n-Furter look tame	83.6%
Fucking Sick	70.8% Dipped into depravity	90%
You are 47.57% pure Average Score: 72.7%
Take The Ultimate Purity Test and see how you match up!

my oh my.

spent the night at chevy's. it sucked cause i kept falling asleep, but hopefully everyone else had fun. lol.
i need to find a good place for my cock.
i am very tempted to try and secretly build a place for it in me backyard... then again, hiding something like that isnt going to be easy.

this purity test things lie, i tell u...

-fade-

8:39PM - evil on the stereo...

i visited me chevy-evy today! hooray. we had lovely PG-rated chats :P gotta luv me chevy.
other than that, i didnt do much.
saw aj for like 5 seconds...
talked to the rylee a bit. haha, that was amusing.

rugged...

i need something... (shh, its a secret thing)

-2 echo s - fade-

11:07PM - roast ham

yesterday i chilled with susan and watched shrek 2 again. yay. then we did some random stuff like wander aboot and i bough lotza candy for no apparent reason.
then manda came and got me and i spent the night at her hoose. she has such a comfy bed.
we went to sleep at like 3 something and had to get up at 8 to feed her lamb.
then we went back to sleep til 12ish. then we got up and got ready to go to berkley.
picked up a terry on the way
went to berkely
i got cool shit and really good food
got semi lost in berkley
then i came home a little after 8.
ive been gone for about 2 days straight and my mom's been cool with it.

she can be pretty cool sometimes... it tends to be rare, but she has her moments.

baklavah!

-1 echo - fade-

7:30PM - we are crazy we are.

there is a random dinner party here. a bunch of japanese people are here and people from mike's work. weird. we have caterers and the works.
anyways, so far summer hasnt really sunk in yet.
my days have been fun or boring, but moslty fun.
for some reason, tho, i keep going from sad to bored to extremely angry to happy to sad to nothing and so on.
i am so fucked in the head
:D

ok.
back to the dinner party.

on another note...
EVERYONE:
we must ALL go out sometime together. preferably at night and preferably naked....

-2 echo s - fade-

6:59PM - if people ever feel like stopping by in the middle of the night, i would in no way object...

went driving.
spent way too much money.
found out that i CAN put the car into neurtal without starting it...
the day is too hot
and too long


long live the nights.

-5 echo s - fade-

8:13PM - the final day

yesterday was the first day i went driving solo.
it was great. i loved it.
now i look for any excuse to take the car out... groceries, lightbulbs, screwdrivers, socks, pineapples, spagetti... anything. lol.

today is the last day of the school year. people are graduating today.
i find it odd... normally i dont miss people much. either i miss them right when they leave but it only lasts a week or two at most. or i miss them a week or two after they are gone and that doesnt last long either. but i have a feeling that i am going to miss some of the people who are leaving.
of course i always do this thing where i just turn off my emotions, but that goes too far sometimes... in a way it sucks to be numb....

anyway. it's SUMMER!!! horray!!!. and i can drive *SQUEEE* so i have a feeling im going to be popping in on people a bit more. (hopefully anyways)

i dont know if i mentioned it before, but my japanese grandparents are here, so that is fun, but i dont get much computer acess.

ok, and today... had a math final. eh but no worries. then i had a free 1st, so i hung out with rylee, chevy and jacki in the class of mr h-money. also known as mr horner. good stuff that. the presentations were fun. then after that school thing ended, rylee -=*ME*=- jacki and i went to the house of -=*ME*=- and hung out for a bit... hahaha, i hurt.... and then we went to go get foods. then i went home.... hahaha, that hurt too.... fun stuffages.

i wish i could go to the show tonight... and i probably could if i haggled (cant spell, but i assume you know what i mean... if not... suck my.... finger) but im just gunna chill at home. maybe see if i can go out for a drive later. (yay for driving)

so that is that for now, i think.

call me people! 843.1067
843-1067
eight-four-three-ten-sixty-seven
eight-four-three-one-zero-six-seven

if you cant figure it out by now you are an idiot.

(like me :D *SQUEEE*)

:P

-2 echo s - fade-

7:08PM - this thing, its HUGE

"This Time Imperfect"
I cannot leave here, I cannot stay,
Forever haunted, more than afraid.
Asphyxiate on words I would say,
I'm drawn to a blackened sky as I turn blue.

There are no flowers, no not this time,
There'll be no angels gracing the lines,
Just these stark words, I find.
I'd show a smile, but i'm too weak,
I'd share with you could I only speak,
Just how much this, hurts me.

I cannot stay here, I cannot leave,
Just like all I loved, I make believe.
Imagine hard, I disappear, seems,
No one will appear, here and make me real.

There are no flowers, no not this time,
There'll be no angels gracing the lines,
Just these stark words, I find.
I'd show a smile, but i'm too weak,
I'd share with you could I only speak,
Just how much this, hurts me.

I'd tell you how it haunts me,
I'd tell you how it haunts me,
(cuts through my day, and sinks into my dreams.)
I'd tell you how it haunts me,
(cuts through my day, and sinks into my dreams.)
You don't care that it haunts me.

Oh,
There are no flowers, no not this time,
There'll be no angels gracing the lines,
Just these stark words, I find.
I'd show a smile, but i'm too weak,
I'd share with you could I only speak,
Just how much this, hurts me.

Just how much this, hurts me.

Just how much you...


*********************************************************************
i think it funny how the most weird, obscure plans that i make tend to be the ones that actually work...

SQUEE

-fade-